family
Mother Pain & God Trust
Tuesday, June 10th, 2008Today is a day for dealing with family stuff (mentally, I mean). I went to my homeopath* and somehow ended up on the topic of my mom. So much pain there.
Over the past couple of years, I had come to the conclusion that endlessly analyzing my family situation and all the problems it brought, and […]
Let’s Unmire
Saturday, February 16th, 2008First, I want to reassure you all that I am not wallowing. My post the other day probably left some people wondering about my state of mind. I am not depressed or flailing (this time). I am, however, walking this Lenten journey and following where God is leading me. Sometimes that includes a little trip […]
Beware The Ides Of March*
Tuesday, November 6th, 2007 I am older than my great-great-grandfather.
I will forever be older than my great-great-grandfather. Six years ago, I passed up Alvah in age.
He is eternally thirty-seven years old, eternally not-yet-forty. And handsome. Here is a guy any woman could fall in love with. Even his great-great-grandaughter (whoo-ee, is that freaky?).
In 1886, at the age of […]
Home Sweet Home
Monday, August 27th, 2007Aaaah. Home. I wish I could say we had a great trip. We didn’t. It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t good. Currents and undercurrents and people reacting to one another and then reacting to one anothers’ reactions. Nothing as it seems; smiles hiding competition and bitterness and anger. In this family, a smile is seldom […]
Oh Shit, Family (Or: Family Shit, Oh)
Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007Family is such an effing conundrum, a knot of pain, love, regret, hope. What else? Denial. Disappointment. Betrayal. Migraines. Pain. Pain. More pain. Some amount of love (is it?). More pain. Regrets. More pain. A little hope. Pain. One day, forgiveness (praying for this).
There’s a reason I moved far away at nineteen.
So […]
Fear
Friday, August 10th, 2007I don’t really want to write about it. A part of me does, but a brain-sized part of me doesn’t. Avoidance isn’t a habit that should be overindulged, so I’ll just, as they say, do it.
Once I was meeting with my spiritual director (a sort of therapist, but the primary focus is on […]
Oh My Gaaawd, I’ve Become My Stepmother
Tuesday, July 31st, 2007How is it I’ve ended up the one thing in the world I never, never wanted to be? (Besides poor planning, lack of confidence, educational deficiencies, laziness.) I swore I would NOT be like my stepmother. Not ever. I despised everything about her, starting with the fact that she stole my dad from his […]
Like Mother, Like Daughter II (Or: Sounds Like Somebody I Know)
Friday, July 13th, 2007J. arrived yesterday afternoon laden with watermelon and cantaloupe, bless her fruit-loving heart. She was in an Everything I Do Is Mediocre mindset. Of course, everything she does is NOT mediocre–but I still had to stop myself from saying, What’s so terrible about being mediocre? The last thing a 21 year old wants to […]
Like Mother, Like Daughter
Thursday, July 12th, 2007Had an appointment with my homeopath today. She always manages one pithy comment that really catches me. I was saying, “I don’t know why I worry so much about my daughter; you’d think she was a drug addict or a homeless kid.” She said, “You worry about her because she’s like you.” I had to […]
All The Damage I Wish To Do Today
Thursday, July 5th, 2007One night recently, my daughter and I were at the park playing frisbee (the frisbee has a light in it). We stopped after a bit and were standing around when she turned on the light and stuck the frisbee under her chin, grimacing, like people do with flashlights to look scary. It reminded me […]