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In Which I Reaffirm That Control Is An Illusion, A Delusion, A Childish Concept
By gartenfische | November 2, 2007
I have no control over my life. It is important that I admit that to you, dear friends. Living with bad carpet and ugly paint is nothing compared to the near-total lack of control that I am experiencing now.
About a year ago, Spiritual Director D. advised me that after meditating and at other appropriate times, it would be helpful to do an exercise in which I (theoretically) relinquish:
- the desire for control
- the desire for security
- the desire for approval
I’m skeptical of these kinds of exercises, but I figure if God wants me to accomplish these tasks, God will help me. Naturally, this is another Thomas Keating inspired lesson.*
Getting a lot of help with number one these days, thank you. My neat little life with everything in order was, indeed, an illusion. It took ten pounds of this to undo everything. Yes, everything. The universe has been reordered. My husband and I are reduced to puppy slaves. A black bundle of fur has complete jurisdiction over our home, our time (especially mine, as he has to work). And, now to hammer home that point, Little Monster just peed on the carpet in my office. Yes, just. She wanted to help me make the point, I presume. She’s helpful that way.
[So the maid—me—has cleaned up after LM and she has laid down across my feet, gracing me a bit of writing time. How generous a master she is!]
Last night, we got an insane idea into our heads: We thought we’d watch a movie. First we tethered the monster to a table next to us, thinking she might lie down at our feet. The aim was to save us from having to chase after her to ensure she wasn’t peeing somewhere or chewing up some important item. She immediately got riled up, relentlessly attacking the leash, then biting on the table (which was my grandmother’s—eating it is decidedly NOT ALLOWED). So we decided, okay, we’ll hold her. She did not desire to be held.
In the meantime, Gary Cooper’s getting married to Grace Kelly and discovering the very bad news that his nemesis Frank Miller is headed to town to cut him down. It’s a good thing the story was a simple one. While attempting to keep Little Monster under “control,” we caught fleeting glimpses of the clock cycling inexorably toward twelve. P. tried holding the squirming bundle, then I did. Ssshhh, we soothed. Hush. Gary strode into the saloon, desperate to rustle up a posse. The bundle nipped tirelessly at my hands.
We thought we’d try the crate.
We’ve been introducing her to the crate for short periods during the day, so thought she might be okay while we finished the movie. She thought otherwise. She cried and screamed so much we brought her out (probably a mistake, but hey). We escorted her to the backyard, just in case. Then sat down with her to finish the movie. She calmed a bit. Gary’s mien was decidedly apprehensive (but manly). Squirming dropped from a Level Ten to about a Six. By the time Grace, startled by gunshots, was hightailing it from the train back to town, LM had calmed to a Four. She finally settled in as Gary and Grace were shaking the dust off their feet and departing town while the cowardly mob milled around in shame—after all, a mere woman (and a beautiful Quaker at that) had saved the day. (Insert Tammy Wynette: Stand By Your Man.)
So, dear friends, you will understand that it has become difficult to keep up with blog-life. (Try writing or reading and peering down every five seconds to see what is going on under the desk—this is simply going to train me to be further attention-deficient.) LM must be played with frequently, she must eat every four hours, she must be conducted out of doors numerous times each day, she must be perpetually monitored, lest she perform some dreaded puppy act. She must be disciplined, but gently, and praised for every action that is desirable, especially pooping and peeing in appropriate places. The new game is Constant Vigilance.
And lest I’ve given the impression of regret—mais non!—she just wants me to help learn my lessons. Click here to see a beautiful smile! And here she is in calm mode (yes, she does have one—it is turned on for about two hours every day, but not necessarily when we want it turned on). Isn’t she the most gorgeous thing you’ve ever laid eyes on? Has there ever been a more photographed puppy? I doubt it.
Okay, the taskmaster’s waking—gotta go. (Thank God for puppy naps!)
Thank God for puppies!
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* Keating says that pursuing control, security and the approval of others is detrimental to cultivating a trusting relationship with God.
In a talk given at Gethsemani as part of an interreligous dialog conference in 2002, he explained that the source of our “emotional difficulties” lies in chasing after three elusive commodities: security, approval/affection and control/power. He said: “These are, of course, the instincts the infant needs to survive. But we are supposed to move beyond these as centers of our motivation as our human development proceeds through childhood, adolescence, and into adult life. Unfortunately, by about four years of age these instinctual needs begin to fossilize into programs for emotional happiness, in which happiness is translated into the pleasure of instant gratification of one of those three experiences. Along with this, from four to eight years old, these programs are made vastly more complex by our socialization, in which we relate these instinctual needs and our expectations for happiness in them to our relationship with God, ourselves, other people, and the cosmos.”
This Gethsemani conference must have been amazing. Buddhists and Catholics participated, including the Dalai Lama, Joseph Goldstein, Mary Margaret Funk, Keating, of course, and many, many others. Take a look at the program. Wow.
If you’re interested, here is a longer, wonderful article that Keating wrote, The Fruits of the Spirit. In it, he also touches on the issues of the false self and the healing process.
Topics: Isabel, God, dogs, Christianity, life |
November 2nd, 2007 at 4:48 pm
She is just SO adorable, and worth every minute of puppy slavery, I’m sure.
November 2nd, 2007 at 7:27 pm
There is nothing like a puppy to teach patience and introduce grace.
Even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
She is adorable. And God has a message for you from her. But you knew that already!
November 2nd, 2007 at 7:48 pm
those were the days! oh, the sleep deprivation! oh, the chewing!
she was so cute, though.
puppies do teach patience…. and humility.
November 2nd, 2007 at 9:52 pm
Yeah, she’s so worth it! Thankfully, the sleep deprivation hasn’t been too bad—after the second night she didn’t wake us. (We do use a litter box at night, so that helps.)
Yes, patience, humility—everything I need help with!
November 3rd, 2007 at 11:37 am
This puppy is so cute. But after having my son’s puppy visit (along with my son), I re-realized how much work a puppy is! Whew!
November 3rd, 2007 at 5:15 pm
Jan, Yeah, tons of work! You really have to be ready for it. I think the biggest problem is when people get a puppy for the first time and don’t realize everything that’s in store for them.
November 5th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
Jasper the Wonder Dog is 5 months old now—he’s pretty good on the house training, and he loves his crate. But, oh Lord!, the chewing!!!
I feel your pain…. (but also the joy of puppy love!)
November 5th, 2007 at 6:11 pm
Doxie, ah, it’s a lot of love. I remember now that you got a PWD! I love them! Standard Poodles seem kind of similar–I’m amazed at how smart she is.
I’m glad to hear your boy loves his crate. She is getting much better with the crate now. Thank God. I can feel some of her teeth just breaking through the gums and man, she’s chewing like crazy!
December 3rd, 2007 at 5:25 pm
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