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Purpose
By gartenfische | January 24, 2008
We must make the choices that enable us to fulfill the deepest capacities of our real selves.
-Thomas Merton
In the years since my daughter left home, I found myself caught up in the question of What is my purpose? I guess because I suddenly felt like I didn’t have one. Recently, it came bubbling to the surface again. What is it about people and our need for purpose?
A friend and I were e-mail discussing my woeful purposeless existence and she wisely asked, Why do we need a purpose? Can’t we just be? Yes, please. That is what I have been trying to get to the bottom of. Why do I need to feel I have a purpose? Does God demand that of me? Or do I demand it? I think our society demands it. It is hard to go against society, to swim upriver. We live in a purpose-oriented society (particularly a career/work/money purpose-oriented society).
We ask:
What do you do for a living? Not: Who are you?
Where do you work? Not: What gives you joy?
Basically: What are you doing to contribute to the global economy? Meditation, yoga, solitude—bah!
I’m beginning a lovely little book about Thomas Merton and the True self: Becoming Who You Are: Insights on the True Self from Thomas Merton and Other Saints, by James Martin. EpiphanyGirl mentioned the book in a comment for the post The Pure True Self and I was intrigued by the title. How could I resist? Naturally, I didn’t.
Maybe God does have a purpose for us. If so, it is likely, as Merton said, to become our true selves, to shed the false selves that we have inhabited for so long and become who God made us to be. And out of our true selves grow the attitudes and behaviors that God is calling us to—to love one another, to take care of one another, to pursue peace and justice. The more we become our true selves, the more we will naturally do these things. When we are living out of an ego-centric mindset, how can we selflessly give love, or anything else?
So how does one find her true self? I am sure the book will offer suggestions, but I believe practices like mindfulness and meditation are paramount. This is how we get in tune with God—by shutting off the constant inner dialog so that we can “hear” God’s prodding. In my own experience, so much of the thinking arises from the false self, anyway (What is my purpose; oh, woe is me, what is my purpose?). Over-busyness, an American speciality, makes it hard to listen. Silence helps, of course. A lot of silence helps a lot. We have to trust God. God will show us the way if we shut off the need for control, the endless thoughts, plans, schemes.
In spite of my struggles, in spite of the obsessiveness about things like purpose, I do feel as if my contemplative life is leading me closer to my true self. Or rather, my contemplative life is opening me to God’s proddings—the most important attitude is surrender, acknowledging that I am not leading the way, God is.
I used to worry that if I told God Your will be done, and meant it, I wouldn’t be able to measure up to God’s demands. What if God wanted me to be Mother Teresa? Or Gandhi? To live on the streets? To become an extrovert? To start soliciting money for the poor from corporate big wigs? To do things that are utterly at odds with my personality. In other words, to be somebody besides me. I finally decided I could trust God not to expect me to be who I am not. My true self means me, not somebody else. Not that God never wants us to do the difficult thing, but it will not be at odds with who we are.
My spiritual director once surprised me by commenting that my spiritual practices help P., too. This was a new perspective for me. He didn’t mean it in the sense that meditation, yoga and prayer make me an easier person to live with (though they do). He meant P. benefits from my practice in a deep and real way. Spiritually. Cool. This reminds me of the conversation between Br. David Steindl-Rast and Eido Shimano Roshi where Roshi said:
We all need to have good faith that when we are doing our spiritual practice even though we might be sitting alone, deep in the mountains – we are radiating a kind of spiritual vibration. I am not saying this with an arrogant attitude, but it is important for us to have faith that if one person sits, the whole universe goes into samadhi.
. . . for myself, somehow I am karmically engaged with the practice of intensive zazen meditation. I can do without consulting others, making telephone calls, writing letters: I just shut up and sit down. This is what I have been doing, and through this I came to a spiritual conversion, and I realized the fact that I don’t need to worry, because the world is well-balanced from the very beginning.
His true self is alive and well. As he says, he is not meant to be talking with people, telephoning, writing letters, he is meant to practice sitting meditation. And he knows that this practice is not futile; is, in fact necessary for the world’s well-being.
We Westerners value action. We think we’re somebody when we’re doing. But if we truly are interconnected, it makes sense that peace-full, intentional living by a few benefits the whole. My practice may benefit not just me, but also P., and J., and my neighbors, and you, and people I don’t even know.
In her book Faith: Trusting Your Own Deepest Experience, Sharon Salzberg describes the highest form of faith, abiding faith, as “the magnetic force of a bone-deep, lived understanding, one that draws us to realize our ideals, walk our talk, and act in accord with what we know to be true.” Living from our true selves.
All this recent thought about purpose brought to mind September’s humility post, which ended with this quote by William Temple:
Humility does not mean thinking less of yourself than of other people, nor does it mean having a low opinion of your own gifts. It means freedom from thinking about yourself at all.
I think it’s part of the false self, this tendency toward relentless self-examination. Toward self obsession. For me: more practice, less thinking. More trusting, less worrying. I feel I have taken an important step lately—prompted by God, of course.
I love this, by Henri Nouwen (from The Inner Voice of Love):
When you befriend your true self and discover that it is good and beautiful, you will see Jesus there.
Now go look at wyrdbyrd for my true purpose, which my friend kindly sent to me (do we both have twisted senses of humor, or what?).
Topics: contemplative living, God, Christianity |
January 24th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
as I said to some people in wheelchairs at a nursing home on Wednesday, we have been given our purpose in baptism. It is to let our light so shine before others that they may see our good works, and glorify our god. I think “being” rather than “doing” sometimes fills the bill. A baby who is held and baptized preaches a sermon of God’s love and grace just by being, doesn’t she?
January 25th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
How can we become our true selves if we *don’t* step off the treadmill, the “normal” way of doing things, and sit down and listen? I think you are on the right path. I think living your life the way you do radiates in a hundred ways that you can’t even imagine.
January 25th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Wonderful post!
Roshi is so right - see this post of mine for an account of a present day Desert Father’s view of just this point.
Our own prayer is our gift, or rather God’s gift in us, to all creation - and the more so for being hidden, without which we might too easily fall into “an arrogant attitude”!
January 25th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
“…we have been given our purpose in baptism. It is to let our light so shine before others that they may see our good works, and glorify our god. I think “being” rather than “doing” sometimes fills the bill. A baby who is held and baptized preaches a sermon of God’s love and grace just by being, doesn’t she?”
hmmm….what about babies who are not baptized?
and atheists?
January 25th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Mike, welcome! And thank you—I will check out your post. Oh, I agree about that arrogant attitude, and sometimes I need to remind myself about that—it’s all about balance, isn’t it?
Linda, I think Diane was specifically talking about Christians, looking at it from a Christian point of view. I don’t think she meant to leave anyone out, but she knows I am a Christian. And hey, welcome home!!! :)
January 25th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Oh, Garten, you speak about me as I wonder about my purpose, too. I do wish we could sit with cups of tea and talk from our hearts! My youngest child will go away to college this fall, and I don’t know what life will be like then. There is a lot to lift in prayer.
Thank you for this thoughtful and pertinent post.
January 25th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
oh no, I don’t mean to leave anyone out… I was thinking about specifically about you talking about “being” rather than “doing” and that this is an example of “being”… you know, shining…
January 26th, 2008 at 7:15 am
I sometimes think of it as trying to be my “authentic self” in front of God. What is this authentic self? I believe God is asking me to find this place. I lose the path quite often. The path to my authentic self. But then I get a little nudge (or sometimes a big nudge) from God and like to think I’m back on the path. I often feel the cynicism of not “taking action”. That I should be doing more, should be more of an “activist”. But what does being an acitivist mean? I have plenty of friends in the “progressive left” who sneer at things like meditation, being peace-full in the silence, listening for the “still, small voice” of God. I work hard to overcome this cynicsim. Sometimes it weighs me down, being human and all. But posts like these help. Thanks.
January 26th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Jan, Yes, I wish we could sit and talk, too. It is definitely challenging when your child (or youngest, in your case) leaves home. Everything changes. It’s a new chapter, for sure.
Diane, I love your concept of being, rather than doing. It is not something we Americans excel at, but I hope to learn.
Poodledoc, It IS hard to not be drawn in by that cynicism. It is all around us. Few people can see the value in silence, in contemplation and meditation—especially as benefitting others besides that individual. It is a leap of faith, and trust in God, that those who are drawn to that way of life are drawn to it for a reason. How do we know that the meditation of Roshi, or the prayers of solitary monks, or your silence and mine, are not helping to hold the world together?
January 27th, 2008 at 7:45 am
Thanks for reminding me of my own recommendation, Gartenfische! Picking up that book again helped me sort out my own questions of purpose.
I love what you said about the fear of surrendering to the divine will, and that need for trust that God would not ask us for anything was truly impossible. She just might show us that we can become something we never imagined, of course…
When I need to get centered after spinning in panicked circles in a fruitless search for my purpose, I tend to tune into Andrew Harvey’s teachings about Sacred Activism. His words help me find the balance between doing and being and remind me that the ultimate purpose is simply to love.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Epiphany, I haven’t read any Andrew Harvey in a while, and I really like him. Do you have any book recommendations?
January 28th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
My first introduction to Andrew Harvey’s work was at a session at an Omega Institute conference, so I have really fallen in love with listening to him in all of his delicious madness - the passion of a fire and brimstone preacher tempered with the heart of a poet and the mind of a British intellectual. Lately, I have been listening to his lectures on Caroline Myss’s website: http://www.myss.com/CMED/media/.
I have just started his book _Son of Man_ about Jesus. As I’ve shared in multiple places, I am still in the process of getting acquainted with Christ, and his message is one that I am really comfortable with - it speaks beyond the sometimes restrictive voice of Christianity.
January 29th, 2008 at 6:16 am
As someone moving, in a major life and home and career transition, this post really speaks to me. Thank you.
One of the gifts of getting older (I am 50) is that I am finally learning that listening is more important than acting or speaking most of the time.
While those around me may wonder why I am not rushing off to take another job or worrying about my circumstances (and I do worry) I find that this is a time for me to listen and explore… who am I? What am I here to do?
Thank you for this provocative post that I will read again later today.
And the comments were brilliant! It made me glad to be late to the party… more listening.
January 29th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
EG, I heard AH speak once, it was not long after his falling out with Meera, which, unfortunately, overwhelmed his talk. He was very bitter then. But he’s a kind of genius, and I’d like to read him again. I think I have that book, Son of Man, somewhere. ;)
I’ll go check out the lectures on that site. Thanks!
FIA, You’re wise, as usual. Yes, I become less and less interested in talking. That’s a good thing.
And you and I are in a similar place right now with the listening and not rushing out to change things. I wish you much peace in this between-time.
January 30th, 2008 at 9:34 am
Thank you my friend. I am feeling low today for many reasons, so just the sight of your blog does my heart good.
I am going to use the Merton quote on the St Edwards blog. Thanks for your lovely and generous comments there, as always.
Peace to you my sister. We hold each other in prayer and community, praised be to God for that. I have that whole other big blog world around me, but I turn to this smaller circle for the love and support I need. You, Jan, Diane and others really give me so much strength, I do not know what I would do without you all.
January 30th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Thank you, Fran. I feel the same—so blessed to be part of this community.