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The Reason
By gartenfische | April 13, 2008
Hi, my name is gartenfische, and I am here today to reaffirm my Reason for blogging.
Yes, there has been one from the beginning, and there still is. I will attempt to not get lost in side issues, like the pitfalls of blogging (which, incidentally, dovetail perfectly with the pitfalls of being me), which you got a dose of already.
I started the blog because I wanted to share my readings and writings with others. Maybe I could even serve God in a small way. I wasn’t a blog reader before I started to publish my own, so I didn’t realize what a community it could be. I quickly learned, and sharing with others—meaning give and take, rather than throwing my stuff at the Great Wall of the Internet—-quickly became important.
But then, in the scramble of trying to read everything all the time (some people publish a lot), in trying to keep up and finding myself unable to without feeling overwhelmed, I began to lose sight of the Reason. I flailed about. And I thought, I can’t do this anymore—I don’t want to.
But it was not supposed to be about me and my comfort. Sometimes the struggle is meant to be dealt with, not avoided.
Following the I-may-be-quitting post, a dear friend wrote me, and part of what this friend said was that things “have reasons for existence far greater than our own self-satisfaction, are to an extent not always ours to dispose of as we will.” Sometimes Truth just about knocks you down when you come across it. In the interest of not posting another lengthy angsty entry, I will not divulge the other two insights (one from Ruth Burrows, the other from Flannery O’Connor) that winged their way across my path yesterday, letting me know that just because blogging didn’t feel good right now, didn’t mean it was a right or good thing to quit. Who am I doing this for, anyway?
Through these three people’s messages, I realized: 1) I was being selfish (no, this isn’t what my friend said, but it’s true). 2) I must remind myself of the Reason for doing this. 3) It is possible to put it in a box, if I make the effort. And 4) I should make the effort.
This blog will come to its natural end one day, but struggles with my imperfections shouldn’t hasten along its demise.
Blogging can be a great waste of time if not done intentionally, and I have not been intentional (oops, a pitfall, sorry). My intention is to get intentional. I am not even going to try to keep up with blog reading on an obsessive basis. I will read all of my friends’ blogs, but will not worry if I’m not getting there every day, or every other day, or even, God forbid, for a whole entire week (well, okay—I will try not to worry). I apologize in advance for my comments being outdated. I love reading what you all write and I will be there. Part of being friends is putting up with one another’s quirks, right? I thank you in advance for putting up with mine, and am grateful to you for being here, for reading my long posts (see—you already are patient with me!).
The Reason? To Serve God. Yes, it may sound quaint, but there it is. Next time I lurch off into whiny selfishness, I hope I will remember the Reason for keeping this blog. If I forget, feel free to remind me (forgetfulness is another of my shortcomings—for all I know, I’m posting the same entry over and over and over).
And pray for my garden. Kidding, ha ha.
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Special thanks and lots of love to my friend, you know who you are: you are a true Light.
April 13th, 2008 at 7:28 am
I am so happy to see this post this morning and to see that while I was composing, in my head, an email about why I thought you should continue blogging, someone else beat me to the punch!
I would be sad if your blog went away, but I don’t mind waiting a little longer for your wonderful insights!
April 13th, 2008 at 11:23 am
I would also miss your writing, GF!
as for blogging…take a break. sometimes it gets to be too much and I take a break. when I am in India I don’t think about blogging at all, a break always feels good. why feel obligated to write or read other blogs? (except mine of course…:) ) why are you allowing yourself to feel crazed by it? your meditation practice should be the one thing in your life that keeps you from feeling crazed — about anything.
just go with the flow and all is coming….;)
besides, I want you to read Merton & Buddhism and then blog about it so I don’t have to read it…I have enough books to read! :)
April 13th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
your friends are right. there are many people out here who read your blog for inspiration :) thank you for keeping it up!
April 13th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
YM, You’re always so kind (even in the midst of everything that’s going on in your life right now!). Thank you, my friend. Much love.
Linda, Why am I allowing myself to be crazed by it? Exactly! And I somehow had come to the conclusion that it was all or nothing—either be crazed or quit. I have SUCH a black and white mind.
Yeah, I’ll have to go in search of that book. Is it new?
Tova, Thank YOU, as always for being such a lovely friend.
Love to all of you.
April 13th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
you can get it on amazon…..
April 14th, 2008 at 4:51 am
oh, I’m so glad you are still around. although, I sometimes feel the same way, too. so thank you for being honest.
I love your writing, and you do serve God.
April 14th, 2008 at 5:01 am
Well you saw what I wrote in my last comment, for the quitting post.
It is a journey of surrender and of mystery, let us succumb to it, come what may.
I think you serve God so very beautifully.
Glad that you are here.
(and I love the long posts. they are only too long if they do not say something! yours always speak volumes.)
April 14th, 2008 at 8:52 am
That compulsive need to read everything immediately is one that I struggle with, especially when one of my favourite bloggers goes and thinks about quitting over a weekend when I make a conscious choice not to get online! But see — other people said what needed to be said, and you decided to stay. All without me being here. Life does go on, and it makes me very happy to know that you and your lengthy, thought-provoking, and insightful posts will continue to be here for the near future.
April 14th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Diane and Fran, Oh, I hope I serve God, in my own small way. Often I feel like I ask for too much and give far too little.
Kirsten, Glad you understand (but sorry you struggle with the same problem!). It is healthy to go days without computering! I do that sometimes, especially on weekends, and lo! the world does not come to an end!
Thank you all for your kind comments. I feel blessed that you are my friends.
April 14th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Linda, What a can of worms has been opened! So I go to look for that book and, naturally, get sucked into the vortex, finding several other enticements, including this one, that sounds great:
Echoing Silence: Thomas Merton on the Vocation of Writing
So thanks! (This is a gut vortex!)
April 14th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Garten, I’m back from Minneapolis and five days of not visiting friends on blogs. I’d be so sad if you stopped blogging. I understand the intentionality business; sometimes I blog and waste a lot of time. . . .But I treasure the friends (like you) I’ve met in the blogosphere. I love your writing and how you challenge and inspire your readers–yes, for God.
Also, a comment you made awhile back about a book concerning a brain had me buy what I thought was the book when I was in Minneapolis. It’s a wonderful book, but isn’t the one you recommended (I went back and looked today). But if you hadn’t posted that, I probably would not have bought this book, which is so good–”The Brain that Changes Itself.”
April 14th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Jan, I treasure the people too—you, for instance!—which inspires me to try harder to put it in a box, so it doesn’t drive me crazy and lead me to quit altogether. I have made some of the most beautiful connections, which I am so grateful for.
I looked up the book you mentioned. It looks very interesting—along the same lines as Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain, which I thought was great.
Thank you for being a lovely (and loving!) friend and such a light in my life.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
here again finally. I have had such similar thoughts (about quitting), and about what was my initial reason for blogging. I am full of wonder about the community aspect recently, especially after meeting Jan. But I really wanted to and want to write…
I am so glad you are here. I love your elegant and spiritual blog.
April 22nd, 2008 at 6:51 am
Deserts, we writers stumble into them and wonder if its not easier to stay in them. I would sorely miss your insight and revelations as Spirit reveals them to you, and then to us. We need you, GF; we need the fresh thought and voice that God provides through you to us. I and Lisa over at My Manner of Life, have both been in deserts lately, writing deserts; you give us hope as writers, as women, as spiritual beings. I entreat you to contemplate the impact that not having you would have on all of us, my sister, my friend.
Catherine+
April 22nd, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Catherine,
I don’t think I even have words to respond. It truly humbles me to think that my writings are a help in some small way. I tend to think people are “just being nice” when they say they appreciate my stuff.
Thank you very much from the deepest deep of my heart for your words, and for being here.
Lots of love.
April 30th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Hi! I stumbled upon your blog yesterday and you are heaven-sent indeed. Literally speaking. I believe that God led me to you, to inspire me further, so please do not stop! :) Last February, for the first time in many years, I felt God’s presence and promised myself to know more about Him and my faith.
I strongly believe that yesterday wasn’t accidental. He guided me to your blog. And I wasn’t even looking for blogs to read, I didn’t even know how I got here! But I’m grateful that I did. I read one entry, “A Gift”, yesterday and will continue to read one day at a time (I want to be steeped in your words for a day before jumping to the next post)…
Your new fan/student.
April 30th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Hi Che. Thank you for your kind, kind words. As you see, I am struggling with finding a balance between writing and reading and being—a balance I believe God is leading me toward (when I pay attention!).
The idea that a few people, including you, find some meaning in my writings is humbling.
Blessings and peace to you, my friend.
(Just don’t call yourself my student, okay? Even fan is stretching it. . .)